Adam Larson: 00:20

Welcome back to Count Me In. I'm your host, Adam Larson, and today we're privileged to have Alan Lazaros join us. Alan is the CEO, founder, and cohost at Next Level University, and he's here to dive deep into the concept of personal responsibility and its pivotal role in becoming effective business and team leader. Alan will share his journey, woven with personal experience, and the intriguing framework of victim, villain, hero, and guide, explaining how embracing accountability has fueled his success explaining how embracing accountability has fueled his success. From overcoming childhood obstacles to a transformative car accident, Alan's story is one of resilience and growth.

Adam Larson: 01:02

We'll also explore emotional intelligence, self awareness, and the balance of self improvement. Whether you often feel like you're too much or not enough, this episode challenges you to reflect deeply and unlock new potential. Prepare for an episode packed with personal insights and strategies for achieving growth and fulfillment. Let's dive right in. Well, Alan, I'm so excited to have you on Count Me In.

Adam Larson: 01:29

And, we're gonna be talking about a lot of things about, becoming a better business leader, becoming a better team leader. And I thought we could start off the conversation just talking about personal responsibility. As you and I have been chatting, you mentioned to me how important that was, how it shapes your journey. So I thought we could talk about why is why is it so important to take personal responsibility, especially as you were building ourselves to be better people, but then also business leaders, entrepreneurs, whatever wherever our journey is taking us.

Alan Lazaros: 01:53

So the first thing, I mean, we we came in right out of the gate with one of my favorite things in the entire world is you mentioned personal responsibility. And I feel like that's the foundation of kind of everything else that you build. Because if you think about it, if you don't take personal responsibility, then you don't really have any control over the outcome. Now some people take too much personal responsibility for things that are outside of their control. And and me who grew up in a challenging, childhood, father passed away when I was young, stepfather left when I was 14.

Alan Lazaros: 02:25

He was around for, I think, eleven years. But I took on unconsciously responsibility for sort of my my entire family, my mom, my sister, that kinda thing. And I didn't realize until later doing more therapy and realizing that I kinda took that on to make sure that sorta save my family, so to speak. And so there's different archetypes of self-concept that I think come into play here. And the four that I use to help my clients is victim, villain, hero, and guide.

Alan Lazaros: 02:52

And so every film I'm a big film lover. So every film has a victim, a villain, a hero, and a guide, and Titanic's the best example. So, the victim is is Rose. She's trapped sort of by society because society in 1912 weren't really valuing women. And she was in this marriage with the villain, which is Cal Hockley in the in the movie, who's kinda sees women as property, and he's sort of a trust fund baby who is entitled and inflated self worth.

Alan Lazaros: 03:18

And then she's the hero of the story. The victim becomes the hero when she finally answers the call. And the guide is actually Leonardo DiCaprio's character, which is someone who is already sort of free from the trappings of life. So so the long form of this personal responsibility is, okay, not everything is my fault. However, it is my responsibility to take whatever's happened to me and to use the resources I have at my disposal to make a life that is meaningful and constructive.

Alan Lazaros: 03:51

Because at the end of the day, it wasn't my fault my dad died. It wasn't my fault my stepdad left, but it is my responsibility to find a way to make a meaningful life out of what was really quite tragic and challenging. And I didn't fully embrace personal responsibility to the extent that I did now consciously until after 26 when I got in my own car accident. My dad passed away when he was 28 in a car. And so when I got in my car accident, it was my fault, by the way.

Alan Lazaros: 04:19

I was I was responsible because I was on the wrong side of the road. My that was my fault. Unfortunately, we were all okay. No one no one was killed or or even seriously injured, but physically so physically, we were good, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we were not. And I wasn't actually, because that was sort of the second chance my dad never got.

Alan Lazaros: 04:37

And after that, I really reflected a ton and I realized that I wasn't taking full responsibility for my own health. I wasn't taking full responsibility for my own dreams, my own future. I I wasn't reaching my potential, certainly not holistically. And whenever I coach people, I I have a new client. Her name's Tiff.

Alan Lazaros: 04:57

I just was on with her earlier today. Let's control what we can control. Let's determine what we can't, and let's do all we can with all we have. And as esoteric and fortune cookie as that sounds, ultimately, that's the ultimate goal. And then how you actually go about doing that

Adam Larson: 05:15

is where it gets very nuanced. Yeah. It really does. Well, it sounds like it takes a certain level of, dare I say, emotional intelligence to understand that you need to take that first and responsibility and reflect that upon yourself. And not everybody's there yet.

Adam Larson: 05:30

And let's say somebody's listening to this and they're like, okay. And they start doing the work in themselves and they start, you know, understanding where they are. And then they start to see that reflected in their team that they're managing. How do you share those lessons that you're learning without feeling like you're intruding into somebody's life too much? That's a great thing.

Adam Larson: 05:49

I think in some ways, you have to overcome

Alan Lazaros: 05:52

the making other people insecure thing. I I still am working on that because so with my clients, I do goals, metrics, habits, skills, and identity. Mhmm. And what people come to me is for what they want, which is growing their business. I have 28 business owners that I that are on my roster currently.

Alan Lazaros: 06:11

Some are monthly, some are weekly, some are biweekly. So they come to me to grow their businesses, and that's what they want. What they actually need is more responsibility, more personal responsibility, more self improvement. If what you wanted was what you needed, you'd already have it. Branding, marketing, and sales is what people think they want.

Alan Lazaros: 06:27

Actual client delivery, if it's really valuable, is usually what you need. So I wanted a coach. I needed a therapist. I always say, if you want a therapist, you probably need a coach. If you want a coach, you probably need a therapist.

Alan Lazaros: 06:40

And the point there is that, really, we're all sort of wired a certain way to look at the world in a certain way. So for me, I was really good at external achievement, but I wasn't very good at reflecting inward and self improvement and personal responsibility. So external achievement always came really easy to me. Internal fulfillment did not. And in and relationships definitely did not.

Alan Lazaros: 07:02

And so I needed to work on the emotional intelligence side and the inner work, Whereas someone like my business partner, Kevin, Chip's always went well. He was always relatable, and he was emotionally intelligent. But externally, he was not good at success at all. And so that's kinda what I break it down to is to answer your original question too, when you become someone who's leading by example and taking full responsibility for everything you say, think, do, feel, and believe, you become someone who's a very big mirror. Because most people, myself included in the past, are not taking full responsibility.

Alan Lazaros: 07:37

I mean, they love to blame other people. They love to blame the government. They love to blame like, there's a lot of blaming. Oh, it's because of my childhood and it's because but when when they find someone who really owns all of who they are and who takes personal responsibility at a deep level, it becomes a big mirror because I'll I'll give you a tiny example. So I do a book club every weekend.

Alan Lazaros: 08:05

On Saturdays, it's at 12:30PM. And book club is a place where it's it's self improvement books with self improvement people. Next level books with next level people is the brand. But, ultimately, it's books that get you to realize that your I always say, you know, a book is super valuable when it gets you to feel like shit about yourself. And and what I mean by that playfully is there's a book behind me called the 15 invaluable laws of growth by John c Maxwell.

Alan Lazaros: 08:30

And this book is the 15 invaluable laws of personal growth, and it all starts with personal responsibility. And every chapter is basically, hey. You are not reaching your potential. Hey. Here's why you're not reaching your potential.

Alan Lazaros: 08:44

Hey. Here's why you're not reaching your potential. So as I've learned and grown and matured, because 10 ago, I was so obsessed with self improvement. I was like, this is it. This is what the world needs.

Alan Lazaros: 08:53

I'm gonna share it with everybody. I thought people were were gonna like that and like me. No. Hell no. The truth is even right now, this podcast episode for anyone watching or listening, this is getting you to question yourself.

Alan Lazaros: 09:07

This is getting you to question whether or not you really are reaching your potential. And that's a big mirror. So if you don't have a lot of self belief, you're basically outside your comfort zone right now, and you might wanna turn this off. Who is this guy? Why is he telling me that I'm not doing good enough?

Alan Lazaros: 09:23

The truth is all of us are capable of more, but not unless we dig deep and own more of who we are, more of the good side of who we are. And then when you do that, you actually fit in less, not more, unfortunately.

Adam Larson: 09:39

That's true. And if we start to fit in less, people get uncomfortable, and a lot of times people wanna live in that comfort, how do we kind of start growing beyond that? Because it the com the that being comfortable and being in fitting in and everybody just wants to kinda slide by. They don't want anybody to notice them.

Alan Lazaros: 10:01

Hardest part of the journey for some people is not feeling good enough. Hardest part of the journey for other people is feeling like you're too much for everyone else. So what's fascinating about this, and I'm seeing this from a scientific perspective. So I'm an engineer. That's sort of my disclaimer.

Alan Lazaros: 10:18

And everything is numbers and statistics and probabilities and formulas for me. And so what I've come to understand is that we all crave these three things, and we are we all have one of them really well, one of them pretty bad, and then one's decent. So we all crave significance. We all crave belonging, and we all crave being sought after, wanted. Significance, belonging, and wanted.

Alan Lazaros: 10:40

I crave I have a lot of significance because I'm on the higher end of a lot of statistical bell curves. And while you're not allowed to say that out loud because you'll get socially cautious, oh, you think you're smart? Yes. I am smart. I always have been.

Alan Lazaros: 10:53

I always will be. Owning that is hard, especially socially. I know it behind the scenes, but socially, you're not allowed to say it. Right? And if you're around people who are insecure about their intelligence, they are insecure around you and they usually treat you weird.

Alan Lazaros: 11:08

And they don't want you to know that they actually aren't that smart or that they're fearful that they're not that smart. And so they get all weird around. They either puff up. So so all of us are good at those one of those three. So for me, significance comes easy because significance comes from being different.

Alan Lazaros: 11:24

Belonging, I mean, forget it. If you're not at the center of any bell curve statistically so average height for a male is, I don't know, five nine. So I'm six two. Okay? So in statistics, I'm statistically tall.

Alan Lazaros: 11:41

IQ. Okay. Where's the center of the bell curve versus the far end? What you find is that from coaching so many people at this point, hundreds of people, but 28 currently, you realize that everybody wants the opposite of what they're naturally good at. It's this weird thing.

Alan Lazaros: 11:56

So Kevin's my business partner. He's he always considered himself very average. He falls in the middle of a statistical bell curve. And by the way, the majority of the population does, right, statistically speaking. So he fits in easily.

Alan Lazaros: 12:11

So he'd be at a barbecue, and I would say, I feel so outside my comfort zone. I can't be really me. I have to dial down so much here. He's like, dude. I feel like this is natural for me.

Alan Lazaros: 12:20

But when we interview Steven Kotler, who's a peak performance expert, he feels like he has to dial up, whereas I feel at home there. So the point that I'm making here is everyone can self assess. Which one do you struggle with most? I feel like significance. I feel very significant, very unique.

Alan Lazaros: 12:38

I stand out easily. I feel very sought after. I do feel very wanted, but I don't feel like I belong almost anywhere unless I dial down and pretend, oh, yeah. I care about that. I don't.

Alan Lazaros: 12:47

I I never have. It is what it is. So or you are average more than some people, and you don't you're scared of that, by the way. You're scared to admit it. I'm scared to even say it to you because you're gonna hate me if I do.

Alan Lazaros: 13:01

Right? That kind of thing. But statistically, it's accurate. So you belong easily in every room. You know?

Alan Lazaros: 13:05

You know? You get everyone likes you. You're easily likable. People believe in you probably more than you believe in yourself. However, you don't feel very significant because significance comes from standing out.

Alan Lazaros: 13:16

Belonging comes from fitting in. So we're all in this weird conundrum where I'm trying to belong and fit in. Kev's trying to stand out. He naturally belongs and fits in. I naturally stand out, so we just need to lean into who we really are.

Alan Lazaros: 13:28

And I think we're all afraid of either success or failure because the people who are afraid of success are afraid that they're gonna basically get ostracized from the group by being too much. And the people who are afraid of failure are afraid they're not good enough to, like, keep up. And so we're all sort of socially caged by our own insecurities, and we're triggering each other all the time. And it's not until you realize that that you realize that your deepest fear is either that you're not good enough or that you're too much. And there's that quote by Maya Angelou that says, it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Alan Lazaros: 14:01

Turns out that only that only resonates with a certain small percentage of population who feels like they're too much for everybody. That that resonates a lot with me. But if you're out there and you feel not good enough, the last thing you're afraid of is your greatness. You're actually afraid of being less than.

Adam Larson: 14:18

Wow. I really appreciate how you how you put that. And for people who are listening, I would encourage you to kind of ponder on that a little bit, you know? And as we keep talking, let's let's keep diving into that because for those who, you know, feel like they're too much and they feel like they have to dial back all the time, oh, and you're encouraging them to just be themselves. You know, how do you find that balance?

Adam Larson: 14:41

Especially, like, let's say in a workplace, you feel like you're too much. You're saying just be yourself. And but yet they want to it's like it's like, where's that happy medium of getting along with your coworkers and being successful in a team setting, but yet you're struggling with that feeling of being too much?

Alan Lazaros: 14:58

Yeah. So okay. What's a good metaphor for this? I'm gonna try to use someone that everybody knows. You probably have a global show, so maybe this isn't someone everyone knows.

Alan Lazaros: 15:09

But one of the good examples of of a too much er is what I call them, is like a Tom Brady.

Adam Larson: 15:14

Okay.

Alan Lazaros: 15:15

So Tom Brady basically has to dial down all the time to fit in. Because when he's behind the scenes, he, he doesn't care about small talk. He's not, he's not interested. He's just focused. And, Dwayne the rock Johnson's another good example.

Alan Lazaros: 15:29

Like he's very playful with the masses and with people. He obviously cares about being nice to people. But deep down behind the scenes, he like, if you watch him in an interview, this is I'm only using The Rock because he's famous and everyone can relate. Okay? Everyone knows who he is.

Alan Lazaros: 15:46

That's why I'm using him. When you watch him in an interview, you can tell there's like his real answer that he's scared to say, and then there's like the fluffy, inclusive answer. The thing that really frustrates Pity is the people that only ever give the inclusive answer. And The Rock is really good at giving the inclusive answer. So he got asked on stage in an interview that I saw recently.

Alan Lazaros: 16:06

It's like, you work really hard, man. You know, he's like, yeah, well, we, we do, we work hard. We all work hard. It's like, come on, Dwayne, Dwayne. Right?

Alan Lazaros: 16:16

Tell us the truth. The truth is that dude grinds every second of every day, twenty four seven, three 60 five. He probably hasn't had taken a day off in four years. And if he did, it's only a small amount of time. But that's not relatable.

Alan Lazaros: 16:30

And therefore, it's not valuable to other people that aren't trying to be the most successful actor in history. And that dude also believes in himself at level 10. And when you're talking to someone who believes in himself at level two, you can only I'll I'll share this briefly. I went to a Brendon Burchard event. Do you know who Brendon Burchard is?

Adam Larson: 16:47

I do not.

Alan Lazaros: 16:48

Okay. Brendon Burchard is, he's he's in the self improvement space, and he's into personal growth, and he is known for helping people. His thing is high performance habits is a

Adam Larson: 16:57

book that he wrote. I am I'm familiar with the book. Yeah.

Alan Lazaros: 17:00

You're familiar with the book. Okay. Beautiful. So, we were at an event in 2018, and then we went back in 2019. But I got coached by one of the people that knows him well.

Alan Lazaros: 17:09

His name's Alex. And, I was behind the scenes with Alex, and I said, you know what really is annoying to me? Is Brendan on stage? I know that's not how he really is. And Alex said, Alan, he has to make this stuff more palatable for the the common man or woman.

Alan Lazaros: 17:28

Because I said this to Alex. I said, the truth is I know Brendan never isn't dialed in. The dude is always on. Like, and if you want Brendon Burchard level success, you have to be dialed in at that level. He's an Olympic athlete level performer.

Alan Lazaros: 17:43

However, when he's teaching personal growth, he's gonna scare everyone away if he's if he's that honest. And so even me right now, I'm I'm trying to make this palatable for people because and it's so uncomfortable. Because the truth is the real truth, Adam, is I haven't taken a full day off in ten years. And that doesn't mean I work sixteen hour days every day, but I I haven't taken a full day off since that car accident 2626, '10 years ago. People come to me and they say, well, I wanna achieve what you've achieved.

Alan Lazaros: 18:15

And I when I tell you the truth about what it actually took Mhmm. You wouldn't actually do it. And and by the way and this is the really scary part that no one shares, unfortunately. What if you're not supposed to achieve what I've achieved because you don't you're not wired that way. And it wasn't until my business partner, Kevin, and I tried he he was trying to kinda keep up with my sort of run rate for lack of better phrasing.

Alan Lazaros: 18:39

And he eventually said, dude, I can't lit like, you're like a cyborg. I don't know how to how do I do this? I had an ex girlfriend once who said dating you is like dating a stair master. That's it. Which she's playfully trying to say is I'm not wired as a superachiever like you are.

Alan Lazaros: 18:55

And it's not good for me to constantly grind toward my potential. I need rest. I need to enjoy my life. I need to the holidays. So so The Rock, Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, like, these people that are addicted to work ethic and grit and who have level 10 self belief, what they don't realize is that most people don't.

Alan Lazaros: 19:21

And when you don't have as much self belief, and this is unconscious, not conscious, that I know people that consciously think they have tons of self belief, but unconsciously they don't. And I know people who unconsciously have level 10 self belief, and they don't even think they believe in themselves that much. They're like, oh, yeah. I totally you hear Elon? Elon's like, yeah.

Alan Lazaros: 19:36

No. I struggle with self doubt. No. You do not, sir, at all. But he doesn't know what it's like to actually struggle with self doubt.

Alan Lazaros: 19:45

It's all relative. And again, please don't associate me with Elon, but Elon would be one of the people that people try to be like that shouldn't try to be like because they're not wired the way he is wired. So my point of this whole thing, regardless of Tom or Elon or Dwayne, because honestly, I don't even necessarily wanna associate with any of those men. What I would say is that it's very clear to me at this stage, having coached so many people, that all of your life design and orientation needs to be predicated on your actual potential. And your actual potential is also connected to how much you believe in yourself.

Adam Larson: 20:22

Mhmm. And

Alan Lazaros: 20:23

the more you believe in yourself, the more you can really dial in and dial up. But when you get advice from people like an Oprah Winfrey who is saying, well, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have worked so hard. It's like Oprah. The truth is is you're only saying that in hindsight. She she literally says, if I could go back in time, I I would just tell my younger self not to worry so much.

Alan Lazaros: 20:44

The reason you got to where you are is because you worried. Someone is a college student eating Cheetos on the couch watching you right now, and you're saying don't worry so much. Like, the last thing they need to do is worry less. They're actually already lazy. They need to dial up.

Alan Lazaros: 21:02

They need to dial the work ethic up. And so these people that get to the peak or the pinnacle of success externally usually have this inner drive from massive trauma that they don't talk about, myself included. And they don't tell you what comes with what's the darker side of that that underbelly of of what it actually has taken to achieve what they achieve. And they they lessen it because they dial down. And so to answer your original question for the leaders out there that are afraid to be too much, the truth is you have to don't don't be inauthentic.

Alan Lazaros: 21:33

That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you're like a light is at level 10. It's too bright for some people and they freak out and they have to leave, but don't dial all the way down either. So what I do is I call it the truth dial. And I based on the context of the situation and the room, I dial up my intensity or down my intensity based on what is most constructive for that person in that moment.

Alan Lazaros: 21:58

And the truth is behind the scenes, I'm way more than what I can portray here.

Adam Larson: 22:04

Mhmm.

Alan Lazaros: 22:04

Whereas a lot of people are actually the opposite. They dial up around others and then dial down when they're in private. And and those are usually the people that struggle with self belief. Wow.

Adam Larson: 22:14

We can go so many places with the conversation from there. As you were talking, it made me kind of think of another example just for people who may not you have to recognize we have all to recognize all of us can't be a Tom Brady or a Michael Jordan, and everybody can't be on top. Correct. And that's okay. You know, find your true potential like you were saying.

Adam Larson: 22:32

And sometimes it's good to be close to those folks. And I'll use the example of, like, track and field. If you're in a track and field race, you might not be the world record person. But if you're running in the same race as the world record person, guess what? Your speed is gonna increase because you're trying to catch that world record person.

Adam Larson: 22:48

And so they might break like, there was a time, I think it was just in this past Olympics, where the person broke the world record, and the three people behind them broke the old world record because they were trying to catch that guy.

Alan Lazaros: 23:00

So And, unfortunately, they didn't value it enough.

Adam Larson: 23:03

They didn't because they didn't even try to

Alan Lazaros: 23:04

catch Usain Usain Bolt. Yeah.

Adam Larson: 23:06

But I feel like it's a huge it's a huge thing for us to yes. Not everybody's gonna win, and that sucks.

Alan Lazaros: 23:13

Yeah.

Adam Larson: 23:13

But if you're reaching your true potential and you're let's say you're close to that person who might be higher up than you, but yet you're closest to that person might cause you to go further than you your potential originally was.

Alan Lazaros: 23:25

The unfortunate part is that for someone who does have a lot of self belief Mhmm. And it actually does ignite them to be around people that are way ahead. What I've unfortunately figured out is that with some people being around people that are that the contrast is too big, it actually shuts them down and makes them feel even worse. Gotcha. And so plus minus equal to is kind of the frame that I think of.

Alan Lazaros: 23:50

You need someone who's ahead of you. That's a mentor or a coach. Mhmm. You need someone who's sort of a peer at your level who can you can compete with authentically. And then you need people that you mentor in order to make sure that and and to me, that's the best formula for success is the people that are behind you, you can pour into and help.

Alan Lazaros: 24:12

We'll use podcasting as an example. So I have 1,900 episodes, so I would be a mentor to you in podcasting. But you're ahead of me in something and you could be a mentor to me in something else. And so, but unfortunately, our insecurities thrive and we just aren't focused on reaching our potential, our unique potential, our own, like, let me give this example. Okay.

Alan Lazaros: 24:36

In physical fitness, bodybuilding, I was an ectomorphic tall, lanky, skinny, one hundred and sixty pounds soaking wet guy. So in bodybuilding, I am wildly the underdog. I, I mean, it, the amount of effort it has taken to even be this big is nuts. My business partner, Kevin is, I mean, the dude looks at the weights and gets jacked. I mean, playfully, obviously.

Alan Lazaros: 25:01

He he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. He doesn't have to dial in nearly as much. But I have these giraffe legs. So if we're doing long distance running, which we've done together, it's not close. I mean, I can run backwards and beat this guy.

Alan Lazaros: 25:12

The point is is we all have strengths and weaknesses and every strength comes with a weakness. So my strength for long distance running comes with a weakness of bodybuilding. His strength of bodybuilding, he he jokes. He says, I'm like a sausage. He's five, six, you know, easily gains weight and muscle, but, like, can't he has tiny little legs.

Alan Lazaros: 25:31

So the the point that I'm making with all this rather than talking about me and Kev is that all of us have unique strengths that come with innate weaknesses. So self belief is a huge strength. However, humility is not a strength. Very rarely does humility walk hand in hand with undying self belief. So I had to learn through massive pain and failure with the downside of self belief.

Alan Lazaros: 25:53

Here's another one. Self doubt is a weakness, but what comes with it if you're smart is you'll get a mentor. You'll you'll get someone ahead. Like, humility might come with that. And so if all of us can just self assess and say, okay.

Alan Lazaros: 26:06

I'm naturally weak in the gym, but I'm also naturally gifted in long distance running. I'm gonna decide which one I'm gonna optimize for. And, yeah, maybe I'll never be Usain Bolt or Olympic gold level medalist, but I have a much better shot at a much more fulfilling and successful career. The problem is when we are all unconsciously trying to be different than we are. And so the last piece I'll share with this diatribe of of stuff is I I never used to know this, but I think one of the reasons self improvement is so dangerous is because people are trying to change who they are.

Alan Lazaros: 26:41

And I think I fell victim to that a little bit too in the in the past. So now I have a new formula that I use with my clients. It's very simple. It's self acceptance is number one. No.

Alan Lazaros: 26:50

I'm sorry. Self awareness is number one. Mhmm. Self awareness is number one. You need to be aware.

Alan Lazaros: 26:55

Okay. So science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business and finance, success, external achievement, that stuff just comes easy to me. Okay. That means relationships obviously don't. What else does that mean?

Alan Lazaros: 27:08

Okay. So I'm a cyborg. I think in numbers. No one else does. Okay.

Alan Lazaros: 27:11

So am I weird? Yes. Okay. Do I lean into that? Okay.

Alan Lazaros: 27:16

So self awareness first. Strengths, weaknesses, understanding who you really are, not who you wish you were. Mhmm. Who you really are. Good, bad, ugly.

Alan Lazaros: 27:25

Okay. Step two, self acceptance. This means not only am I gonna own who I am, but I'm gonna accept and love that version of me even though maybe my relationship with it isn't that good. So for example, for me, I had to self accept that I'm not an easily likable person. That's been really hard for me to accept.

Alan Lazaros: 27:47

That is my deeper fear. I'm not concerned about not adding value. I'll get you thinking differently. This is valuable stuff. Yeah.

Alan Lazaros: 27:52

Everything I've said, I think it's super valuable. Doesn't matter. Most people don't like me. And if you don't like me, you might not get the value. K?

Alan Lazaros: 27:59

So I've had to accept that I'm not a very likable person. Alright. Number three, and and by the way, I'm not saying that as, like, a lot of people think, well, no. No. You're likable.

Alan Lazaros: 28:09

Listen. I'm not as easily likable as Kevin, and accepting that and owning that is part of my journey. The third one is self improvement. And that if you accept something about yourself without the improvement piece, you might actually it might be a limiting belief. Because okay.

Alan Lazaros: 28:27

Yes. I'm not an easily likable person. I accept that. However, I'm gonna improve my communication. I'm gonna improve empathy.

Alan Lazaros: 28:36

I'm gonna improve my awareness of how different I am so that I can articulate things in a way that doesn't trigger everybody. I'm gonna find a way to still be the best version of that. So self awareness, self acceptance, then self improvement versus if you're doing self improvement from the place of insecurity, you're basically trying to change who you are rather than actually amplify who you really are.

Adam Larson: 28:58

Mhmm. Yeah. Wow. We've gone a lot of places in this conversation, and I feel like the folks listening to this probably have gonna have a lot of other questions. And I encourage them to, you know, check out without to reach out to Alan if you wanna, you know, get to know him more.

Adam Larson: 29:14

Check out the links in the in the in the in the show notes. But, you know, as as we kinda wrap up the conversation, I feel like what is what should be the next step for somebody listening to who've just listened to this conversation is like, I need to

Alan Lazaros: 29:28

do more. What's what should their next step be? The first thing is where are you not taking personal responsibility? I think that that's a good place to start. And if, if not, why not?

Alan Lazaros: 29:39

And usually underneath it, it's because of low self belief in that area. So I didn't have a lot of self confidence in relationships. I do now, but I didn't for a long time. And Kev said, well, it makes sense. You're not good at them.

Alan Lazaros: 29:55

Like, you've never succeeded at them. And, because for a long time, I just could not figure out how to make my relationships work, and I always thought something was wrong with me. No. No. No.

Alan Lazaros: 30:02

I'm very, very unique. And nobody wants to date a super achiever who, like, never relaxes, you know, except for another super achiever.

Adam Larson: 30:11

Yeah.

Alan Lazaros: 30:12

My girlfriend, Emilia, she she's more intense than I am. It worked perfectly. Woah. Okay. So what's my point?

Alan Lazaros: 30:21

Self awareness, self reflection. What what's the next step? Personal responsibility for the strengths and weaknesses that come with your uniqueness. And then you'll be opened to to new possibilities of, so if I were to own that I'm naturally gifted in that, but I'm definitely not naturally gifted in this, How can I strategically mitigate the weakness of this? Not fully, but a little bit, be aware of it at least, and then go all in on this.

Alan Lazaros: 30:55

And, and I think that that takes a tremendous amount of courage. So the simple step would be self reflect from this episode and figure out something about yourself that you had never maybe realized or fully owned before. And if you can emotionally and mentally own that thing, that new awareness, whatever came up for you during this, your future opens up in some unique new way because basically all of us are wired a certain way that almost virtually guarantees we lose over here while we went over here. And if if you can understand that, now you can design a life that's more holistic and fulfilling.

Adam Larson: 31:36

Well, Alan, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been a a wonderful pleasure speaking with you today.

Alan Lazaros: 31:42

Adam, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. And the one thing that I always come back to regardless of whether or not anyone likes or dislikes any of this content is self improvement, I think, is is the root cure to a lot of the suffering in the world. And I I'm just grateful to be here because, obviously, you're spreading some good self improvement stuff. So thank you for having me.

Alan Lazaros: 32:03

I really appreciate it, and I'd be happy to do it again sometime.

Announcer: 32:08

This has been Count Me In, IMA's podcast providing you with the latest perspectives of thought leaders from the accounting and finance profession. If you like what you heard and you'd like to be counted in for more relevant accounting and finance education, visit IMA's website at www.imanet.org.